Friday, September 1, 2017


I find myself in a place of confusion today. I love the fall and I have never minded the winter so I'm exited about the coming weather, the holidays, and the return to life as we like it here on the East End.

On the other hand, last fall and winter was the worst of my life and I'm dreading the long, dark, lonely nights to come.

There's something wonderful about the way summer makes us feel in terms of all the light and the long days where we can sit outside until time to turn in. Reading a book in the hammock, entertaining on the back deck, attending any of the many outdoor events offered - those things all add up to a quick few months of a very busy life, which helps distract from any sadness or loneliness that creeps in. The time has gone quickly. But this time is about to end. And now I'm apprehensive about what the next six months will hold.

I don't enjoy being alone. I'd only lived alone for about three months of my life up until July of 2016, so being by myself has been a huge adjustment. Of course there are things I like about it - but having the remote to myself gets old! In a hurry! I miss having someone to talk about the days events with and I miss having someone to take walks with and share dinner with. So looking ahead to the long, isolating winter ahead is not exciting to me at all. 

Well - before the darkest days come the autumnal ones - and there may be apple picking and a visit to Pennsylvania and lots of other things along the way before the holidays keep me busy and focused. Rather than dread the days ahead I need to plan carefully for them and ward off the negative stuff. Its a new year and those are becoming more precious to me now that I'm getting closer to the end of it all. And I don't want to waste any of them feeling sorry for myself. So I won'

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