My life seems to be moving along more quickly these days and I feel the pressure of trying to fit everything in to the waning years. Is this normal? I guess so. I suppose this is where mid-life crisis comes from. Of course I'm beyond mid-life - at least I don't think many people live to be 130 year-old they?
I think perhaps part of my feeling of loss is that this past year has been a waste. Many months I can barely remember and those that I can were not enjoyable. Trauma has a way of stealing time from us, time that becomes more precious as life draws to an end. I resent losing an entire year from my life because there are things I could have accomplished in that time had I been capable. I want to travel and I want to experience more of what's available, but sometimes we're just paralyzed by the events that surround us.
I'm hoping that this coming year will be better and by this time net year perhaps I'll have some good memories to cherish from the months to come. I don't want to waste the time I have left, but sometimes finances, as well as other circumstances, keep us trapped in place. I want to see my way out of that situation and be able to fully live whatever time I have left. That's my hope at least.
Life is fleeting, that's for sure. For so may years we don't give it a thought, feeling as though there's plenty of time left to do the things we want to do. To be at this point in my life with so many regrets is hard, but still...I don't want to waste any more on the wrong people or things.
Oh to be able to see the future. Sometimes that would be a very nice option....