Sunday, May 21, 2017

Stressors

I think the most stressful thing in my life right now is the process of paying my bills.

When we were first married bill paying time of the month was always very stressful. But we lived so frugally and had so little money it was just life to us and we did what we had to do, paying a little at a time until things like the drug store or the auto mechanic were paid off, doing what we had to do to make ends meet. I thought it was very stressful at the time!

Those were much easier days I must say.

Now I struggle again every month to pay the bills, mostly because there are so many more of them now, and because I can't keep up with them. Life was simpler before owning a home, that's for sure. Now I have to replace broken appliances, do maintenance on all kinds of things, and try to keep my house looking presentable enough, all while working with way less income than I had a year ago. So every month I sit at my desk and try to decide what to pay. Its like stepping back in time forty years and I hate it. "This bill I can pay a portion of..." "Maybe its time to let the cable go...." "I wonder if I can do without this now..." "Do I really need flood insurance?" These are all thoughts that run through my mind and I truly ponder as I sit with the check book, looking at my bank balance on the computer screen, trying to figure out how to make it all work.

In some ways I've stepped back in time to the place I was when I was first married. Only this time I'm A. not seeing any improvement in the future and B. in it all alone. I'm thinking about selling my house. I never thought it would come to that. But hoping I can find a way not to. There've been enough changes in my life this past year without having to move now. I try not to ponder that thought too long.


Who knew that at this point in my life I'd be back to square one again? Life certainly does take interesting turns now, doesn't it?

No comments: