Life has certainly taken some strange turns for me lately and as much as I'd like to think I know what tomorrow holds, I certainly do not.
Its been awhile since I blogged much about my private life, assuming that people would much rather hear about my surroundings and all the things I love about East Hampton than the trips and turns of my existence on the earth. After all, we all have our burdens and difficulties and who wants to take on someone else's? But there are times when they are overwhelming in that we can only think about what's happening to us, and everything else - the beautiful weather, the spring flowers, whatever is happening in the world - simply takes a back seat to emotions and circumstances. And so life goes!
These past weeks and, actually months, have been wild ones for me. After struggling with so much turmoil in my life over the past ten months I thought I was settling down to a more simple and peaceful place. And I have. But at the same time there is much more to do before I ever feel at rest again. Because relationships, and families, and all that they entail, are complicated. We humans can be difficult to navigate!
Sometimes I wish my children were little again. I long for the days when they would curl up on my lap and listen to everything I said as though it were the smartest thing they'd ever heard. I wish I could kiss their boo boos away and make them smile again when they're in pain. Those were the easiest years in terms of making them content! They were happy with food, and a warm bed, and parents who would hug them and make them feel as though they were the best things in the world.
It was simple then. Now not so much. They are still the most important things in the world to me. But my hugs and reassurances don't go as far as they once did. Because they're adults now. And just like me, face reality in an adult world.
But still... I wish I had my own mother to sit with and cry with. Now that would be a true blessing.