Its only 8:35 but I already need a break.
Since 7 this morning, I've been to the dump, filled my car with gasoline, and been cleaning up the back yard. And now I need a break.
The yard is a mess. I had no idea there was so much crap around the side of the house - its a place I have not traditionally ventured, preferring instead to let my husband do most of the outside work around here. But I should have made more of an effort before to check over there because now I have a huge, physically challenging job to do, carting heavy objects, discarded aluminum cans (seriously?), old toys, and general debris from one side of the house to the other so it can be picked up for disposal in the very near future. My heart is racing with the demands I've just put on it and I think by the time I'm done I'll be another few pounds down. But right now I need a break. I need to calm my heart rate down and rest my already weary muscles, and I need to let my mind wrap itself around the implications of the job.
Some of the most challenging work is still ahead of me. There's the old heavy redwood table that needs to be dragged, or turned end-over-end from one place to another because I can't possibly move it easily on my own. There's the heavy canvas awnings we salvaged last spring from a construction job, thinking we could possibly use them but they didn't work out but couldn't so now they need to be similarly dragged across the lawn and added to the growing pile. There are broken flower pots, old toddler swings, and lots of odds and ends I can't even recognize any longer - all of which are going to the dump soon. It is years of accumulation. And it makes me sad thinking about it.
Sad because it sort of represents my life. But at the same time liberating because as I drag each thing across the yard, with tremendous effort and all my strength, I'm thinking about how this job actually does mirror my life. After many years accumulating junk, I'm finally beginning to see the lawn again. I'm actually feeling freer and cleaner and less weighed down than I have in a very, very long time.
So as I head back outside in a few minutes to complete my task, rested and ready to begin again, I'm going to do it with a new sense of accomplishment. I'm going to think of it as the cleansing needed both physically and mentally in my life right now. God has truly begun a good work in me. But its up to me, with His help, to complete it.