Each new months seems like a major step forward for me - another month I've survived, another month I've made it through, another giant leap into my new life. I like seeing progress.
We mark out lives with time. We remember things that happen to us in terms of years, months, days. I can name the days I had my first chemo treatment for instance, and my surgery. I remember the date of my husband's heart attack. These are like touchstones we cannot forget and they enable us to make sense of the timelines of our lives.
For me, each step toward July 1st is a good one. Because that will mark the day my world fell apart. And when I reach that date I'll know for sure that I've survived - I'll know I can prevail - and I'll know nothing can hurt me ever again the way that day did, so I've been through the worst of it.
February is that much closer to July. And March will be closer still. And I am marking off my calendar in terms of days, weeks, months, and finally a year. It is a year I'll never forget and the memories of it will always be painful. But its a year that will seen be over. And for that I'm so grateful.