I'm trying to decide whether or not to entertain this weekend. I had company for dinner last weekend, and already have plans to have some next weekend, and wonder if I should take this week off or take advantage of the slow time of the year to cook again and have friends in.
My friends have been a real lifeline for me these past eight months and I love them for it. Within a week of my world falling apart, a friend called and said "Please come to dinner Saturday night. We'd love to see you!" It was the first of many invitations that have come my way and I treasure each one of them. Because they are expressions of love and I know they are the only way people know how to say "We're so sorry you're going through this but we want you to know you aren't alone" and that's the way I feel. Even on the loneliest nights I know there are others out there who would come in an instant if I called and said "Help!". It has sustained me as nothing else has, other than perhaps the love of my family. My children, my grandchildren, my brother and sisters and nieces and nephews - all have gone out of their way for me and done their best to help me through my crisis. Such things are never forgotten.
So company has become a bit of a lifeline for me. Having people come in has given me focus as I cook, clean the house, bake pies, etc. I think about the people coming and what they mean to me and I find joy in doing nice things for them. Its small thanks for all they've done for me.
But...I have been busy of late and it might not be a bad thing to take this weekend off. Thus the dilemma. Sit at home alone and risk feeling lonely, or spend Saturday working so the house can be full of laughter at night? Its a trade off for sure.
I think I'll decide tomorrow. Because tomorrow is another day....