Tuesday, January 31, 2017


I've been thinking a lot lately about the purpose of my life.

I know that the doctrine of the church says our purpose is to worship God, basically. But I think it must go beyond that. If that were our only purpose here we could just spend all our time on prayer and meditation and not much would be accomplished on earth. I think God gave us talents and abilities for a reason and its that reason that I wonder about.

I think especially when something as traumatic as my own circumstances occur in one's life, you question your purpose. What's it all about? Why do these things happen? I mean, if I had a purpose, and if I was sincerely attempting to fulfill that purpose, why would someone else be able to come in and completely destroy whatever you had done, or whatever your purpose was? It happens all the time - people are killed, disabled, prevented from completing their tasks on earth. And there is so much unfulfilled promise in so many people. Why?

Of course, these are deep theological questions for people more intelligent than I to answer. I have the questions - I don't have the answers. But I do know I've had to boil my life down to see what, if anything, I have accomplished that I could look at and think "Well - at least he didn't destroy that!" Its not easy to come up with an answer as I feel as though everything I've done in the past 40+ years has been untrue, not real. So I'm hanging my hat on this: perhaps one of my grandchildren, or great grandchildren, will be a great leader some day who will help the world in ways I cannot even imagine at this point. Sorry of like the "terminator" movies, right? I will never see what my purpose was, and I may never understand why the good I've tried to do has been ruined, but I can hold on to the hope that sometime in the future my life may have meaning for what it produced, even if I'm unaware of it all. It's all I have at this time, so I'll have to take it.

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