So often my blog reflects my mind and where I am in terms of my happiness and contentment. I look back over the years I've been doing this and see a good deal of those things reflected and that makes me sad because I know now how false my place in life was. Knowing that nothing was real for so many years makes me see everything differently now and question whether I would have been better off knowing then what I know now. I do believe the truth is always better than fantasy, so I do wish I'd been wiser and less ignorant of what was going on around me, but seeing how happy I was just makes me sadder now.
But all this reflection is also a sign of my better health mentally as I'm coming to terms with the betrayal and lies and the pain of grief is beginning to wane. As I told my children a few weeks ago, I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm no longer worried about it being another train coming from the other direction. My heart and mind are beginning to find peace again, which I'm very grateful to God for. And my friends and family. All of it is teaching me that despite the horrible things that happen to us in this life, there is good to be celebrated.
So the color is coming back. These past few days have been ones of deep thoughts and sadnesses revisited, but color is all around and I'm grabbing it when I can. I'm in a good place at last.