Saturday, December 31, 2016

Turning corners

Well you know you've turned a corner in your journey when, instead of feeling abandoned and sad about being alone, you begin to appreciate your new found freedom and space. Here are a few of the things I've been enjoying these past few weeks:

1. I love deciding what to watch on TV and not having to think about anybody else's desires
2. I've expanded my space considerably into empty closet and drawer space. I know I need to clean stuff out, but when there's so much room, why bother?
3. I love eating when, what, and how I feel like it. I could have a snack at 4pm and that could be it for the night. So much easier on my diet.
4. I'm beginning to enjoy the freedom to come and go as I please without checking in with anyone else. Now sometimes that makes me sad because it seems as though no one else really cares about where I am or what I'm doing, but then I remind myself that before, when I was living a fantasy life, no one really cared either. It was more of a courtesy on my part. I just didn't realize it at the time.
5. I'm enjoying the ability to be slow about putting things away and picking up around the house. With two people in a space it seemed more important to put shoes away, for instance, rather than let someone trip over them. Since I remember where they are and won't trip over them, I can leave them in the same place and not put them away for hours if I please.

Of course there are many more instances of the little things that make life different, but not necessarily bad. I do see the negative since to these things because, after all, accountability does make us more civilized and thinking about someone else's needs is not a bad thing! It helps us be less self-absorbed, or so it should. I'm not sure that was true with my other half, but it was for me in any case.

So there are some things I simply won't allow myself to do. I always make my bed in the morning so I feel better about coming to my room at night. I refuse to leave my coat on a chair overnight - it has to go in the closet. Because I truly do not want to become a complete Neanderthal. But sometimes, a little bit of non-accountability is not a bad thing...

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