Friday, December 23, 2016

Making merry

I'm realizing now how much of our sense of well-being and happiness lies within ourselves. I've always known that we choose how we feel in many ways, but now more than ever I see how determination and choice make all the difference in our lives. Because I'm actually looking forward to Christmas now.

For months I've been dreading the holidays. I didn't want to be alone, I didn't want to be reminded that rejection and pain have been my daily companions for six months now. And I didn't want to feel that sense of loss that is so real when someone you love lets you know your feelings were not returned to you. I didn't want to face the reality of my new life and the holidays would make me do it. I really didn't want it.

But clearly, with the passage of time, and the support of the people who do love me, I've been able to come to a place of peace with my life now, and I'm cautiously optimistic that this holiday season is going to be one of more joy than sadness.

I can't wait for the family to gather on Sunday, reminding me that I have so many people in my life that love me. I can't wait to go to church Sunday morning and be reminded that God is in control, that He loves me completely, and that He also has good thing in store for me in the weeks and months ahead.

None of us knows how long we'll be in this earth, and at my age we certainly are aware of our shortening time here. It's precious and its worth enjoying. And I plan to do just that. No more tears and no more desperation. I may not be ending my life the way I expected to, but that doesn't mean it has to be a sad ending. Its up to me to make it a happy one. And that's what I plan on doing.

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