The past six months of my life have indeed been a journey for me. To say I've become more self-aware would be a vast understatement. I've done more introspection and made more new discoveries about myself than I ever thought possible, especially at this age.
My weight loss has been only one piece of the journey, but it's opened up a window into my soul I haven't look into for a very long time. I am realizing now how much my own self-esteem and sense of self-worth has dictated how I look on the outside, and my new ability to see value and meaning in my life has allowed me to really begin a healing journey that's been a long time coming. I can see how other people's actions and behavior toward me on the past twenty years have affected every part of who I am, including my physical being.And it makes me sad to think other people had that kind of power over me, but glad I can finally see it.
A couple weeks ago I heard a quote that was so profound that I had to immediately look it up and verify what I had heard. Then I printed it out to hang by my desktop computer where I often put Bible verses or other quotations that touch my heart and need to be part of my awareness, always. It was written by a Greek poet from hundreds of years ago by the name of Aeschylus. And this is what he said:
And even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls down drop by drop upon the heart, until in our own despair against our will comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.
And that grace, and wisdom, such an amazing gift from God, is what sustains me and what I am so grateful for right now at this pivotal point in my life. At my age. Who'd 'a thought???