Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Grief

I think the most difficult thing about grief is the fact that you can be rolling along, really doing well and not falling into the pit of it for weeks as time moves on, and then suddenly, BAM! Something happens and there you are back into the middle of it all again.

I remember an incident when I lost my mother ten years ago. She had been gone about a year and I honestly thought I was beyond the stage where something could suddenly and without warning trigger the tears. But there I was in the IGA when the person in front of me turned and saw me and said "Oh - hi - your mother was a lovely, lovely lady". I had no idea who this lady was and I was totally unprepared for my reaction. I swallowed hard, said "thank you", and hurried out of the store so I could cry in the safety of my car.

Something very similar happened to me yesterday and it took me with such deadly force and so suddenly that it took my breath away. Here I was working on weeks of calm, even emotions, not even being close to tears for so long, and something happened in the morning that set me on a journey that lasted throughout the day, including anger, tears, grief, and loneliness. It was shocking in its unexpected nature and I am still reeling from it.

Grief is for sure one of the most difficult of human emotions to navigate. It takes you from zero to  hundred in seconds and blindsides you with a ferocity that is unreal. I've only experienced this kind of grief twice before, and I shouldn't be taken by surprise this time around, but I am.

I guess its something we just never get used to.

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