Thursday, November 17, 2016

Uncertainty

I think by far the most difficult thing about this time in my life is the uncertainty of it all.

I have always been an organized person. Sometimes to a fault, for sure! I need things to follow their order, to be checked off the list, to be as planned. That's not always a good thing and I realize I need to sometimes be more spontaneous and loose with my time and energy.

But its not always a bad thing and the fact that my life has pretty much always followed a pattern of control and predictability is certainly working against me now. Because right now I feel as though I don't know what's happening from one day to the next.

I am really floating in the ocean without a paddle. I have only my Bible to guide me if that makes sense. I am using God's directions as much as possible, but that's sometimes like trying to find your way to a specific place with only a sexton to guide you: it may send you in the right direction, it may keep you from going too far off course, but the rest ifsa matter of luck and tenacity. Right now I am feeling completely out of both those things.

I'm not comfortable with this feeling of floating along not knowing which way to paddle. I need some guidance but its not forthcoming recently. I am learning to lay back and look at the stars and stop worrying so much about which way I'm going, but at the same time, I know if I don't get to land soon I'll probably drown. Hopefully a life raft will come floating by soon....

3 comments:

Ben Reichart said...

I afraid this won't be much help but my Grandmother always told me, don't worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself. Not certain what that even means. :)

Anonymous said...

Why do you have to live by a set of rules that you have imposed upon yourself? I know humans are creatures of habit, but you can do anything you want to do, regardless of what others think or judge you by. You answer to no one except yourself. The most important 6 weeks of the year are upon us now. Embrace the good things in your life, your family, etc. Everything does not have to be neat and perfect and put in their proper place. Relax, and don't take life too seriously.

Wordsmith said...

I remember telling my nervous daughter when she was on the verge of leaving for a college term in Spain, 'you don't know what's on the other side of the door, but if you don't open it, you will never go anywhere.' Life is about uncertainties, always! But if I've learned anything in life, surprises come with those uncertain times. Let it happen! (keep in mind that I'm not much of an 'organizer'...I'm pretty flexible, and even when I don't know what will happen next, I am CERTAIN that it'll all work out in the end!) <3