Decorating the Christmas tree was more emotional than I was expecting yesterday because I had forgotten that every ornament in the collection held a memory.
It started with the ones my great aunt had made and gifted us with for our wedding, which was in November of 1974. Then there was the one I bought in Mexico on our honeymoon. And of course all the ones the children made for us throughout the years at school. Even the store bought ones held special meaning as we were usually together when we purchased them, like at Disney World or on another trip somewhere. Others were handmade gifts from my mother or mother-in-law, or sisters-in-law, or whatever. All special with very personal meaning to me. All part of a life shared with someone. All part of the pain.
I did my best not to get too emotional with the kids here. I had children and grandchildren to think about and the last thing they needed was to see me getting all teary-eyed when they were working so hard to make things nice for me. They've really been amazing, my kids, and as much as I know they're hurting too, they are thinking about me and concerned about me. I love them so much for that. So I try hard not to add to their burden. But even writing about it now brings tears. So many memories. So much pain.
But it was a difficult day for sure. And I think, maybe, its only the beginning of a long and difficult season ahead. As much as I love Christmas, I approach it with trepidation. Its going to be a bumpy ride...