Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Time

I'm finding that time really does change things. Pain may not disappear, but it becomes less intense. Tears don't flow as often. And the future looks far less bleak with the passage of time. Of course the future looks like less and less of an option with the passage of time, which might be part of the explanation there! But knowing your time on earth is coming to a close is certainly part of the equation, isn't it?

I've been through periods of grief before. I know what the grieving process is all about. But these past months are like nothing I've ever known. The intensity and power of the grief I've felt reflects the impact that others can have on us and reminds me that when we give of ourselves, and we open our hearts, we also become vulnerable to pain. Its a sad truth in life that the more we give, the more we can be hurt as a result of it. Perhaps that explains some folks who are closed off from the world and choose to live lives of isolation and loneliness. Its perhaps more of a choice than circumstances and once burned they decide its not worth the price. It reminds me of the book "Silas Marner" that was required reading in our 10th grade curriculum. Poor old Silas was a hermit whose life was changed when a child entered it.

At some point we make decisions based on how much pain we are willing to bear, from bearing children to letting ourselves be vulnerable to others. But lessons learned may change us forever. I hope my heart stays open, but there are days I think about shutting myself off from the rest of the world.

Pain can certainly be a great motivator!

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