Friday, October 14, 2016

Regrets

Yesterday I saw a post that someone had put on one of my recent blogs and I found it odd. It was anonymously posted, which was too bad, because I would love to have a real conversation with this person, whomever they are. You see they said that I needed to work on living a life with "no regrets".

It made me wonder how that's possible? I have absolutely no regrets about the life I have lived in terms of my integrity, honor, standards, etc. I regret nothing in terms of the things I've done and the way I've conducted myself. I have always had high standards for myself and I've held to them firmly.

But how do you not have regrets about dedicating so many years to a person who didn't deserve your dedication? How do you not regret giving yourself completely to someone who not only didn't value the gift, but basically spit on it? How do you not regret the fact that you could have spent so much of your energy over those years doing more for yourself and less for the person who didn't deserve it? And how do you not regret a pain that cripples you for months on end?

I did have wonderful things in my life - my children being at the top of the list. But that does not erase the regrets that come from making a bad choice that affected everything forever. And at the end of the day, I am still alone. Life does indeed throw us curve balls and that is to be expected, but when someone else's decisions effect you in such a tragic way, there has to be regret with that, doesn't there?

No, I don't agree with this person, but I wish I could ask them what they meant by their comments. I certainly don't regret my life. And I don't regret who I am now. But I would be lying if I said I don't regret the investment I made, which has bankrupt me completely. I worked my whole life toward a goal and now that goal is gone, with nothing but loneliness and pain in its place. Without the support of family and friends I can't imagine where I would be right now. How would it be possible not to regret that?

I really don't like anonymous comments. They leave me wondering who is thinking what and why do they not want to tell me who they are? I enjoy a good conversation with anyone over just about anything, but as soon as someone becomes anonymous, the conversation becomes pretty one-sided in my mind. So whomever you are, if you'd like to chat, I'm not hard to find. Give me a call and tell me, how would you respond to betrayal, after investing a lifetime in someone, with no regrets? I'd really, really like to know...

5 comments:

Ben Reichart said...

Perhaps this person was trying to say you shouldn't beat yourself up over a decision you made in good faith. Regrets, I've had a few and am familiar with the angst. Personally I agree with you though, there will be regrets.

Anonymous said...

“Tell me, how would you respond to betrayal, after investing a lifetime in someone, with no regrets?”

I assume you are talking about a spouse with whom you are/were married to, for many decades and has gone astray? I would cherish the memories of the time spent with that person the same as I cherish the memories of loved ones and friends who have passed. My faith is strong enough to have no doubt that there will come the day when I am reunited with them. You see, I am old enough now to have finally accepted my mortality. It’s been an utterly fantastic ride, but we all know it must come to an end eventually. Why would you regret spending all those years with that person, raising a wonderful family and all the good times you had? As I said in the previous post, this is what brings meaning to life. This is why we are here. You can hate what that person has become, leaving you in financially dire straits, etc. But if you regret ever meeting that person, and your life together, then you have also destroyed a good portion of your own life.

Like you, I have also been married for a few decades, raised fine children, two cats in the yard. The whole 9 yards. The only difference is my wife is almost 20 years younger than me. Did it make a difference? No, love knows no age. We strongly believe in our marriage vows. One good thing about the 21st Century is that society has no problem with age hang ups anymore. And we could care less if there are still people who have a dysfunctional problem with it.

The bottom line is, we are humans and we all have our shortcomings. What was done, is done. There is no going back. That’s the way things are, and always will be. You can’t go home again, because home has ceased to exist as you know it. Pick up the pieces and move on. There is still a lot of quality time ahead…….

Downhook said...

You wouldn't have regrets necessarily if there were good years. But when you find out someone you dedicated a lifetime to was never faithful to you and that your years with them were not even real, that's where the regrets come in. It's difficult to cherish memories that were false.I feel that he is the one who has destroyed that portion of my life, not the regrets I have. That is simply the fallout. Until you walk in my shoes, you have no idea, really. But my faith also tells me to move on. Moving on is a process. And not an easy one at all. I have no idea how much time I have left on the earth but I know that I lived a life of integrity. That's all I can rest on at this point. I cannot fathom not having regrets about time spent with the wrong person. If you can you are a better person than I!

Anonymous said...

Yes, Downhook, I don't know the whole story, nor is it any of my business. I thought it was one of "those one time things" males in their 60's are known for, either reconnecting with someone on facebook, or whatever. However, if it went on for years, and lt was all lies, then I agree it was totally unfair to you.

I have been on Facebook for 2 or 3 years now and noticed several dozen old female friends are reconnecting with me. While it is harmless, and we mostly discuss old times, it's still playing with fire and I have to be careful. Those old feelings never really die. Good luck, and I wish you only good things!

Downhook said...

One time I may have been able to deal with much differently!

And since I put myself "out there" by blogging you have every right to "suppose"! LOL

Yes-the internet can be a dangerous thing. We all need to be aware.

Thanks for corresponding!