Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Sad days

I've been trying really hard to make my blogs as uplifting and happy as I can lately. I realize that no one wants to read sad prose or hear about someone else's trials when we all have plenty of our own.

Truthfully the days are largely good ones now. It seems as though the good ones outweigh the bad ones for sure. But when the bad ones come, they are brutal. Perhaps that's because its like being pulled back down into a dark pit that you thought you had escaped from, worse because it all comes back with a bang when I want it to go away for good. I'm not sure why it is, but it seems as though these dark days are just so dark.

And I'm tired of them. I want more joy in my life. And I want more laughs and more fun things. I'm tired of worrying about money and old age and illness and loneliness and all the other things that haunt me right now. I'm tired of it all and I want to know joy again.

Perhaps if I'd never known so much joy it wouldn't be so hard. But I was lucky. Joy was mine. I don't know if it ever will be again, at least not the way it was. But I know today I'm not feeling it and I just can't pretend.

2 comments:

Ben Reichart said...

Be careful to not set unrealistic expectations for yourself. This too shall pass. There are no words of comfort to " fix " your sorrow. Just remember you have friends and family around you at all times. NO, nothing is the same and never will be I understand that much. There are times and circumstances we must just slog through. Fall is arriving soon and with it time for contemplation. Keep the Faith for your faith will guide you .

Wordsmith said...

My opinion, for what it's worth, is that you need to be real...at least with yourself. Things take time to even out, and while that time passes, there are days where emotions go in waves. Like at any time of grieving, we want the hard times to flee. It's all natural... just know that there are those who care, who understand those feelings, even if the circumstances are or were different. Know that we're praying for your healing.