I've been trying really hard to make my blogs as uplifting and happy as I can lately. I realize that no one wants to read sad prose or hear about someone else's trials when we all have plenty of our own.
Truthfully the days are largely good ones now. It seems as though the good ones outweigh the bad ones for sure. But when the bad ones come, they are brutal. Perhaps that's because its like being pulled back down into a dark pit that you thought you had escaped from, worse because it all comes back with a bang when I want it to go away for good. I'm not sure why it is, but it seems as though these dark days are just so dark.
Perhaps if I'd never known so much joy it wouldn't be so hard. But I was lucky. Joy was mine. I don't know if it ever will be again, at least not the way it was. But I know today I'm not feeling it and I just can't pretend.