Friday, September 30, 2016

Lost

I will admit to still feeling a bit lost in my life. I seem to be making progress but there are still times I feel very much alone and not quite sure how I got to this place.

I have lost 50 lbs now since July 1st. It seems like a lot, but for at least a month after my life was so tremendously altered, I could barely look at food. I ate nearly nothing. I would get faint when I stood up occasionally. I knew it wasn't healthy, but there was nothing I could do about it. With only a few bites I would become so nauseous I couldn't continue eating. So I lost 25 lbs the first month.

Because I am alone I no longer follow regular mealtimes. I eat when I'm hungry but tend to grab a piece of fruit rather than a donut. Because once I got such a good start at losing weight I decided that maybe one good thing could come from this disaster and I could get back to the healthy weight that had been evading me for so long. And so it has happened that I am still on this weight loss journey and plan to continue it for some time to come. I feel good about at least one thing in my life right now, and after all, its the only thing I have any control over so it feels good. Every other thing in my life has been altered and is beyond my control. So here I am controlling what I can.

I was told today that I looked good. I wanted to tell them that a few months ago I was "fat and happy" and now I'm not either one. Its a sad place to be, and I would go back in an instant if I could have my life back. But I am enjoying the feeling of being healthy and able to put on a pair of pants without a struggle and without looking in the mirror and saying "Ugg!" I am still a work in progress, even at my age, and have a long way to go to be where I want to be. But here's to the horrible things that can happen in life. May they all have at least one positive outcome.

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