Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Enlightened

I feel a bit more enlightened today. I think as I said I've turned a corner and although setbacks are happening pretty regularly, I think the days when I can look ahead are beginning to outnumber the days I look back. And that's helpful.

Of course its the days I'm in that are the hardest. Finding my way in the present is not easy after so many years. And although losing someone to death is incredibly hard, what I'm dealing with is pretty awful too. Because all our possessions are to be divided now, which means the things we spent a lifetime obtaining and working for are suddenly half of what they were. Worries about money that should not have been an issue suddenly are and nothing is easy at the moment. I didn't expect at this point in my life to have to be worrying about how to pay the bills.

I was pretty frugal years ago out of necessity and I know I can get there again, but in the most recent past its been so nice not to have to always count my pennies before deciding to get a new pair of jeans or some other thing I wanted. As much as I hate going back to that place, I know its doable. I'm trying not to think about the new couches I was hoping to get this fall or the repairs that need to be done upstairs. I know thinking about them will just make me angry and resentful and that's not very productive right now. Its only been just over two months and I can't expect miracles, but I would like to at least feel as though I'm making progress. So the anger is not helpful.

There are plenty of platitudes that talk about each day being a new beginning. I need new beginnings now so I hope that's true.

1 comment:

Wordsmith said...

I know you can do this....whatever 'this' is at the time. I do hope that YOU own the business.... I inherited a debt 'name' that was attached to my departed one...7 stinking years to carry that, but I did it without having to go bankrupt. You will get there...successfully!