I feel a bit more enlightened today. I think as I said I've turned a corner and although setbacks are happening pretty regularly, I think the days when I can look ahead are beginning to outnumber the days I look back. And that's helpful.
Of course its the days I'm in that are the hardest. Finding my way in the present is not easy after so many years. And although losing someone to death is incredibly hard, what I'm dealing with is pretty awful too. Because all our possessions are to be divided now, which means the things we spent a lifetime obtaining and working for are suddenly half of what they were. Worries about money that should not have been an issue suddenly are and nothing is easy at the moment. I didn't expect at this point in my life to have to be worrying about how to pay the bills.
There are plenty of platitudes that talk about each day being a new beginning. I need new beginnings now so I hope that's true.