I actually feel as though today is the beginning of my new life.
It was only the first of last month that my life took an unexpected (shocking really) and different turn and I suddenly found myself alone. Like a death, only worse because it was someone's choice to leave. But the life I knew is over and I need to create a new reality - a new future. Up until this point my daughter has been here with me, visiting with her children, and they left yesterday. So suddenly the fact that I'm alone is pretty much in my face now, unbelievably real and undeniably sad.
So today I am thinking about new beginnings. I've had new beginnings before - when I left my parents house, when I got married, when I had children, when they all left home. But none were as dreaded or as difficult as this one. This was not my choice and not what I had hoped for. Nor was it something I would ever ask for. So I find myself thinking about how I want to craft this new life of mine. Do I want to, or will I need to, go back to work somewhere? Do I want to look for new volunteer opportunities? Or do I want to simply enjoy my new free time by organizing my closets, reading books. creating artwork....all things that could help fill those newly empty hours and days.
On the one hand it seems as though its all ahead of me, a book unwritten and ready for chapters to come. On the other I'm feeling as though there were so many wasted years when I could have already been composing had I only known. I wish I was at least twenty chapters in right now.
But life it unpredictable and each year a mystery. So I'm taking one day at a time, which is all any of us really can do, isn't it? Stay tuned. The adventure is just beginning.