This was a sad weekend for me. I was busy, and socializing, and trying to have fun...but there was a deep sadness that ran through all my busy days. I'm feeling very much alone right now.
Yesterday as I ran around doing things like going to the dump and watering the outdoor plants and window boxes, I remembered a song from my youth called "The Tears of a Clown". It talked about how we put on our game faces, smile for the world, but when no one is watching we do nothing but cry. I can so relate to that right now.
And I have. Its that harsh reality that makes me sad. I have moments where I think I'm in a bad dream and will wake soon. But then I know its real and there will be no waking from this nightmare. My spirit is crushed and my soul is aching.
So I put on my game face - because no one wants to see the tears. And I go out into the world and smile and laugh and pretend that I'm fine. But I wonder if I'll ever be fine again.