Thursday, August 25, 2016

4am

So its 4am and I've been awake for an hour now. I finally gave in to the insomnia and am downstairs doing the things I would normally be doing at 6, which right now means blogging and getting my bank deposit ready. and thinking about things other than the ones keeping me awake.

I've dealt with insomnia before. There was a period of five years right after my cancer treatments ended that I was on a medication and one of the side effects was insomnia. But in that case I would wake every night at about midnight or 1am and then be awake for two hours. It was awful. But at least I would eventually go back to sleep and have a couple hours before I had to get out of bed for the day. This latest torture is worse because I sleep until 3 or 4 and then I awake just enough for my mind to begin churning. With the issues I'm dealing with now I just can't turn it off. I am so full of unanswered questions that its like a slow torture. The thoughts just turn over and over in my head, and none of them can be answered by me so there is never any resolution. If I could go to my computer and look up the answers I could go back to sleep, but that's impossible, so I mull them over, and over, and over ad nauseam. I hate it.

So today my decision was to just get up and start my day. At 4am.

And I know I'm going to regret it tonight...

Good morning all!

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