Today is a melancholy day for me. It's the birthday of my friend, who I lost to cancer two years ago. We always celebrated birthdays together, so today seems pretty empty.
I've discovered why it is that I miss this friend so painfully. I realize that there were two people in my life who accepted me as I am. They listened to my hopes and fears, shared my joys and sorrows, and understood my strengths and weaknesses. They wanted to know what I was thinking, how I was feeling, and helped me make decisions. They were my sounding board. They knew who I was, where I've come from, how I've grown, and where I want to go. No one else on earth fit that description.
So, I still feel a bit disconnected from the world and miss having someone to be my sounding board. I love my children, but I would never burden them with the things I wish I could share with someone. And because my history is all behind me now, it would be impossible to find anyone who could fit this bill.
Loss is hard. We all experience it, but it becomes more tragic for most of us as we get older. For so many reasons.