Relationships

Recently I had a dear old friend end our relationship and I was surprised at how it affected me. I guess I'd thought our relationship was forever, and even though we had grown into two very different people and lived two very different lifestyles, when we had this recent disagreement and she completely cut me off I felt rejected in a way that was hard to take. Especially because she would not allow me to contact her and even talk things out as we always had in the past. It was like being given the finger and basically told I wasn't worthy of her time and effort anymore. That's a tough message to hear. And not one you expect from a long-time friend. I'm not sure if it said more about me or about her, but either way it wasn't easy to take!

So I've been doing a lot of introspection over this and thinking about the fragility of human relationships. I've never been divorced but I can imagine some of the same betrayal I felt over this long-term relationship would be part of that process. When you invest in someone's life in an intimate way, as good friends and spouses do, you become vulnerable to them and their whims. So it does feel like a betrayal - and a rejection - when they suddenly decide they don't like you anymore.

I also felt the sting of a sixth grader when her friends suddenly decide she's done something unforgivable and there is no way to ever go back. The ideas of forgiveness and restoration seem to be non-existent in a twelve-year-old's mind. At the end of the day I don't think I want to be friends with anyone who feels comfortable cutting off a relationship of that duration without so much as a conversation, or at the very least a cooling off period, but still, the hurt remains. Isn't it sad that we humans can be so unkind to each other? Sometimes it boggles my mind.

I'll get over it - I know that. But there will always be a hole in my heart where that person was for such a long time.  I'm not the kind of person who can walk away quite so easily. I'm sorry that she is. And also rather sad! But...her choice, not mine. Time to move on...