College

Recently I received a copy of a college magazine in the mail - one of those things that alumni and their parents get on a regular basis. As I was flipping through the pages admiring the campus and all the activities at the school where three of my children went, I couldn't help but think that they'd all lived the life I should have. I would have thrived at college.

My reasons for not going to college were complicated and too much to go into here, but I have had many regrets about it over the years. I know I would've enjoyed campus life and I wish I had the degree that would have come with it had I gone to the place I was headed so many years ago when I suddenly decided against it. Fear and anxiety have always been my downfall and I wish I'd had more of a push from my parents when I announced I wasn't going at the very last minute. But my father was of the "girls don't need to go to college" mindset (and he was pretty tight-fisted with his money I can only imagine how relieved he was!) and my mother, I think, felt that her strong-minded daughter would change her mind and go the following year. But life intervened and I never did.

I've often thought about going back to earn a degree but I'm not sure for what at this point. The whole college campus experience is for the young and I missed that opportunity - there's no going back. I continue to learn and grow academically, attending many classes and earning various "certificates" (like my EMT, Notary Public, and Real Estate license) as well as adult ed classes that I always enjoy. So I think going back for a degree at this point is unnecessary.

My overwhelming feeling is that I've had a wonderful life and it would no doubt have been vastly different had I gone off to Ohio back in 1970. So I can't resent the loss now! A wonderful husband to spend a lifetime with, and four amazing children that I adore - I wouldn't trade any of them for the world.

But when that magazine comes and I see the photos of all those college kids on campus, in classes, at sporting events....well...I just can't help but feel a little twinge in my heart...